Secondly, it's not that I'm saying the whole "guard your heart" principle is wrong. I agree that it's very important, because as a woman, I'm essentially programed by society to long for a "perfect" relationship, being swept off my feet by Mr. Right, a happy ending, a perfect relationship. What girl doesn't dream of meeting her Prince Charming?
But looking at it all logically...since I am far from perfect, how can I expect my future husband to be? And life doesn't end at the end of the two-hour film-there are trials and disagreements and questions, even if you're having your "happy ending."
My question is, how do you know if it's the right person? I mean, some married couples say "you'll just know" with these knowing little smiles, but I know that isn't true for everyone. I mean, it's arguably the biggest decision you'll ever make in your life-don't like your major, switch it; don't like your job, look for another one; don't like your house, move. But marriage is "for better or for worse...'till death do us part."
Nothing like a little pressure!
One of my favorites verses is Song of Solomon 2:7, which reads "Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires." It's one of the popular verses for youth and makes waiting for the right person seem feasible. But imagine my surprise when I was reading in my Spanish Bible and instead of having the "Beloved" warning her fellow women, it's Solomon speaking-and he's telling the women not to awaken HIS love until SHE so desires!
As dating isn't mentioned in the Bible, I think it's easy for young believers just to accept "guard your heart" as a principle (which they should), but without really considering what it means.
So as for guarding your heart...it's great not to fall head over heels for the first person who looks your way and pays you a bit of attention. It can be so easy, so flattering, to be sucked in by pretty words...at least, for women. And that can be very dangerous. To quote Shannon Ethridge and Stephen Arterburn in Every Young Woman's Battle:
"While emotional attachment is natural and appropriate, it's unwise to emotionally attach to guys over and over, assuming that each boy you go out with must be The One" (148).
This is obviously a recipe for heartbreak. But what about the opposite extreme, if there is such a thing? Can women be so intent upon waiting for the right guy that God has preordained for them that they are afraid to take that first step?
Again, I don't pretend to be some sort of expert on this. But it seems to me that God guides relationships the same way He does every aspect of our lives. Sometimes, we know exactly what He wants and are able to go forward in confidence. But other times, He guides us with feelings and other, smaller clues and expects us to step out in faith. The problem often is with this second case, how do you know if it's His will, or if it's yours? (This is something I'm praying over about in another aspect of my life right now.)
In my own experiences, I can only think of two instances where I "knew" what God wanted-the night I got saved, and when I first heard about the missions trip to the Dominican Republic. It's not that I don't pray over other situations in my life, but I think God speaks to me more the second way discussed above. So I have to act based on these feelings sometimes, or else I would never do anything...as it is, I pray for more discernment so that I know if it's His voice or me just justifying my desires!
Is there such a thing as "stepping out in faith" in a relationship? Not within the first 2 hours of talking to a guy-after you've been friends for a while and know where he stands with God, and if your plans are at all compatible, and after you've prayed for God to show you one way or the other His will. It would be a lot easier to convince yourself that that is God's will if your emotions are already involved, but if you ask with an open mind (and heart!), God provides. "Guard your heart," young people, especially girls, are told...but that implies at some point, you have to let somebody in. If we just wait and wait for the neon lights to tell us that this is the perfect relationship, we might be waiting forever.
So what do you think? Is there a balance between being hasty to fall in love and guarding your heart? I think so...but then, how do you find it?
This is the first blog post I've made hoping for, anticipating, other's thoughts...please take a minute and let me know if you agree, or if you think I'm completely wrong!
-Jenna
And a few pictures I've saved to my computer that made me think...
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