Back when I was thinking about starting a blog, I read some articles on blogging, and one thing that was repeated over and over was the importance of updating frequently. I know, it's been almost 2 weeks since my last update, and I got home from my retreat Thursday morning at midnight, so it's not like I haven't had the time. I've just been mulling things over a bit.
You know what one of my favorite verses is? Luke 2:19, right after the birth of Jesus, when we're told "But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart." Mary couldn't possibly understand everything that was going on-that she'd actually given birth to a baby despite being a virgin, that this baby would be the Savior of the world, the shepherds coming with tales of angels appearing a praising God...but rather than getting overwhelmed and incredibly confused, she just pondered these events. That's something I love doing, too-oftentimes I need time to think back and reflect on conversations and events, and Infusion was no exception.
I'll be honest-I almost decided not to go on Infusion. I just knew I'd be exhausted, and maybe there wouldn't be anything to eat (I'm a vegetarian as well as a fussy eater). But I said I'd go, so I went-and I'm glad I did! Satan's going to do whatever he can to make sure that we don't have these kinds of experiences, so that we don't meet fellow believers and ultimately grow closer to God. And I also have a stubborn streak-so I refuse to let him win. I went with the attitude that I was going to have an awesome time of it, and I did.
Swing-dancing, a bonfire, hiking (through waterfalls!) ,canoe races, volleyball, catching fireflies, awesome worship, fellowship, relevant workshops and electives-that's Infusion in a nutshell! I could write so much about it, but I'm just going to focus on a few things that really stood out. By the way, the "theme" of the week was Jesus and His life-pretty awesome, huh? We talked about relationships (the woman at the well), dealing with loss (planned months in advance, it was pretty incredible as you'll see), how God sees and loves each of us individually (Zacchaeus), and more.
This is one of the waterfalls
And this is me stepping under one :)
One was the sense of community. Campus Ambassadors stretches across the United States-we had tons of people from New York, of course, but also from Massachusetts, Minnesota, Colorado, and even from Oregon. They say there 125 or so people there, maybe more-I never counted. But it was great getting to talk to people and get different perspectives.
Community also stood out in the midst of tragedy. I'm not going to go into a lot of details because I don't feel it's really my place, but one of the CA groups suffered a loss at another camp over the weekend, and some of them were really close to this person. Each and every student chose to stick it out at Infusion, and the way they came together was just incredible. The support they offered each other, the mingled tears and prayers, and the faith they have in God, without understanding His reasons...this is a true testament to the love of God that transcends even the grave, and something that I'll never be able to forget!
Something else awesome about Infusion was the workshops and electives. Workshops were for an hour and half every day, while electives were just one day, for an hour and fifteen minutes. My workshop was Social Justice, and it's really inspired me to get out there and do something (the problem being, I have no idea what as of yet!). We learned that God hates injustice (Isaiah 1:10-17 and calls us as believers to do something about the injustice in the world. Did you know that some of the forefront advocates for causes a hundred years ago were Christians? And it just starts with one person...I may not be able to do everything, but I can do something, and I pray that God will show me what it is He has for me-I know He will provide the means because that's something else we talked about!
Here's a quote for you to ponder: "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." -Edmund Burke
On a lighter note, swing-dancing was one of my favorite parts of the trip! I'm not much for dancing, but I was fortunate to have a really good dancer for a partner, so by the end I had it down pretty well. We were all laughing and just having a great time, and I hope I remember what I learned for next year!
To close, I'm going to share something I wrote last Monday, which I titled "Letter to God." Some parts I'm cutting out simply because they'd require too much of a back-story, or to protect others, but this is genuine, unedited, and personal-you've been warned!
"Usually I read my Bible at this point of my "God-time" on this retreat. But today I feel like doing this. It's not like my prayer journal, but I guess it's just my thoughts about the week so far.
I feel so bad [for those who lost their friend]. 19-he was my age, and now he's gone. It's got me thinking about life and death. Should I die tonight, I don't want to be insignificant. I want to have mattered, to have made a difference, beyond that typical "oh she was such a nice person and so young" way. No, I want to reach out. In my Social Justice workshop we keep talking about how we don't need to go to another country, that there's so much to be done here. But my heart is for Spanish-does that mean I'm called to go to another country? I mean, I think so, but I don't know for sure. But then again, a year ago I had no idea about the Spanish either. [See first blog entry for explanation!] Time will tell.
Time will tell. Time is so relative, isn't it?...I definitely feel like I've been waiting forever to know what's going on there! But Your ways aren't mine, and neither are Your thoughts.
What can I do, God?...I feel liked You have something for me to do right now, but I have no idea what it is. So I pray that You open my heart and mind to Your will. Show me what I need to do and make me unafraid to try. I'm young, I'm small, I'm "innocent," but I'm not a child, or helpless, or stupid. Let me matter, God, but not for my sake, but for Yours. Let my life be a testimony and [a] legacy to You, Your love, and Your power."
Thoughts? Comments? Questions? Please share!
-Jenna
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